You look at me and see no scars
My scars are not physical but deep inside of me
These scars have been created psychologically
They run deep
Penetrating each nerve of my being
Each tells their own story
Of words that have slowly over time destroyed me
They don’t heal like physical wounds
They stay open waiting for the smallest breach
I hear these 2 words and my heart crumbles
My happiness instantly becomes sadness
I feel lonely
I question my being
I think to myself why
Why do these words inflict so much pain
How can I be in such pain but show no scars
What did I do to deserve this loneliness
Words of comfort are offered
I see the movement of their lips
But hear nothing but silence
What do you see when you see the colour black…
Do you see…
Is it possible to have these emotional connections?
Should we not harbour these feelings..
Would we have the same thoughts if we were blind?
I hear the pita pata of raindrops being flung onto my window.
The wind using all of its ferocity to punish each raindrop.
I wonder to myself what the raindrops did to offend the wind.
Did they disrupt the cooling affect on a humid day?
Did they provide the cool on a sweltering day?
Could I be wrong.
Could the wind and rain be working in harmony?
To provide a soothing sound? To relax people?
So many questions.
So few answers.
‘I want to meet you’
These words they echo round my head
Why was I dreaming this
This is the past
That I have moved on
Forced myself to hate you
Then as if by magic you reappear
Like a haunting memory
Waiting for a resolution
I’m stood here in the shower
The water it streams down from my head down my face like a waterfall
The sound it calms me
Allows me to slow down life and be at one with my thoughts
I reflect on my day, my year, my life
Contemplating the choices I’ve made
Were they good, bad or too early to tell
I shake my head
Why am I thinking about the past?
It’s not something I can change
I need to look forward
And think what do I want
And how do I get there
Can’t find my way back
Do I want to come back though
What awaits my return
Does anyone care
I think I’ll stay lost
That’ll answer all my questions